Searching (Chapter 16)
I told Victor the next part of my story. That after I had seen the man so afraid of me, it angered me filling me with rage that Victor created me and just left me like an abomination. I left to Geneva and ran into a girl who was drowning, while trying to save her a man thought I was attacking her and he made a bang that struck me with pain, as if a vibration made of fire went down me from head to toe, but I kept going. Then as I reached close to Geneva I ran into Victor's younger brother, William. After finding out he was related to Victor something overcame me! I grabbed him and fought him until he moved no more. I did not know what I did but I grabbed a picture of a lady and I left with the overwhelming feeling completely gone as if it had nver happened. So after explaining this to Victor I told him to make a girl monster for me, to accompany myself during my journey.
Dear Creature, I don't know your name but I just want you to know that I forgive you for murdering my son. I had mixed feelings at first when I discovered it was you that did it. I realize now that too much death and hate have already ruined our lives, so I will not let it ruin mine any further. I advise you to do the same. I hope you find the happiness in the simple pleasures of life. I don't think you'll find happiness with another creature like yourself. You'll just manage to hurt my Victor and us and also yourself. Maybe you can come live with us for a while. think about it?
ReplyDelete-Victor's father, Al
[I like your simple, down to earth approach to it, but try not to summarize and put a little more feelings.-Genesis]
Make sure to watch your grammar. For example "moved no more" does not sound as nice as "no longer moved". Other than a few mistakes like this, you did a good job!
ReplyDeleteAlex, this still sounds more like a story instead of your feelings! You don't have any emotions or anything. You're just stated facts. Fix that along with those grammatical errors and it'll be great! (:
ReplyDeleteI think the statments u made are very general and dont give much detail. Also you should go back and check your grammar.
ReplyDelete