Encountering Others (Chapter 15)
I next told Victor about when I actually decided to present myself to the family in the cottage. After finding Victor's notes he wrote about me I wanted to know if I was as horrifying to others as I was to him. Well first I waited to talk to one person alone, and the old man was the first chance I had, but I was not able to move for a strange reason and it felt as if someething was tying my stomach in a not. Why could I not move easily? Finally though, I came out and said hello, and started to explain where I come form, but then the other three people came back and rushed me away frightened by my appearance, it was a horrible feeling to know he thought I was disgusting like Victor did. Knowing that nobody wants you in there sight, feeling they despise you just because you breathe the same air as them. As if I should be destroyed for merely existing. :/
You should explain how you felt when they were frightened by your appearance and capitalize your I's. Good Job.
ReplyDeleteThis post is good but could use some better desriptive words for the way you are feeling. Also try to read your post first to avoid grammarical errors. All in all it was good :)
ReplyDeleteAlex, it's good that you're trying to connect your posts together, but it sounds more like a story rather than diary entries. Do you know what I mean? You should also try to find different and more creative titles for your posts. (Stop trying to do it the easy way by making the same title with just different parts.)
ReplyDeleteAlso, like KeAmber and Nancy said, you need to add more details and emotions to your posts and fix grammatical errors.
Overall, Pretty Good Job! (:
I can tell who the character is without a doubt, but I feel that you should add more emotion to your blogs. You should explain how exactly he felt when he was rejected and when he read what his creator said about him. Saying that he was frightened isn't going to cut it. I think that there should be more feeling in your blogs. And also, could you make your blogs flow nicer? When I read this, I didn't think it was a "Diary Entry", but rather just like you were telling a story. Try to fix that.
ReplyDelete-Nalleli:)